Firstly, the title of this post shall be your Grammar Lesson for the Day.  We use its when we intend the possessive (i.e. something HAS something else) and we use it’s when we really mean ‘it is’.  I am by no means a grammar perfectionist, but who am I to pass up a perfectly valid opportunity to educate the Youth of Today?

Now we spin onward to the topic at hand:  procrastination.  There are a lot of ways to define this concept.  My favorite is the following:

“Procrastination is that which makes moot the possibility that one can become a superhero.”

Seems a bit abstract at first, but think of it this way - most of us want to be better people, and the pinnacle of self-improvement is so purely embodied in the superhero spirit.  So why aren’t we all Masters of our personal Universe?

Some folks do have valid excuses, i.e. they’re in the middle of Antartica at some godforsaken research station and how are they supposed to be models of self-improvement when it’s ass-cold in here because Johnson can’t even remember to shut the goddamn door for chrissakes?  For most of us though, it’s not that we can’t in a physics-of-nature-is-preventing-us-from-doing-so sort of way, but rather that we can’t because we simply can’t get enough of our shit together well enough for long enough to do so.  Why? That’s procrastination, brother.

Procrastination is a BITCH.  That’s because if you have an issue with procrastination, and want to solve it, well it’s pretty easy to procrastinate the solution seeing that you have an issue with procrastination, and want to solve it, well it’s pretty easy to procrastinate…well shit, just fuckitall already.

So there you have it, some of us are destined to throw our hands up in the air and accept our nature…and on the other hand are those of us with our noses to the proverbial grindstone who insist upon convincing ourselves and the world that we will eventually triumph over what is most certainly the rawest element of human nature ever conceived if only we read what Ben Franklin, Stephen R. Covey, and all those other jerks have to say on the topic of futility.  Namely, that $29.95+tax at Barnes and Noble will buy you at LEAST a week’s worth of self-confidence, if not a pair of tights and a trusty sidekick.

Those that have read thus far with interest will do well to remind themselves at this point that the world does in fact run fairly smoothly despite the fact that we are so blatantly superhero-less.

We’ve all got our faults; mine include a literal tic that causes me to use ‘have got’ instead of the properly-simpler ‘have’.  What truly separates the great from the average though is not the ability to fix our faults but to work around them.  This is true no matter if the fault in question is a tendency toward procrastination, a wooden leg, or an inability to find humor in my writing.  What the aforementioned jerks REALLY need to write a book about is how to change the rules in our favor as opposed to fighting it out on the home turf of The Man who is constantly keeping us down with his model of superhero-perfection.

Of course if they did, and it worked, well — [NOTE TO SELF:  Finish this part later.]